♥
My Invisible Husband
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes
(Original author unknown - sent to me by a rare jewel...they know who they are...smile).
1 your rant or rave
Thanks to all who submitted questions. You can find my responses below. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.
Anonymous said... Are you anything like your characters?
No. All of my characters are a figment of my vivid imagination.
Peggy said... What single thought or event triggered this book?
I think subconsciously the idea for the book developed from hearing the following question one too many times: “When are you getting married?”
Anonymous said... Where do you see yourself in 5 years? (in detail)
Good question. I thank God that I’ve reached a lot of my goals I set forth for this year already. In 5 years, when a reader thinks of Jackie Collins, Terry McMillian, Danielle Steele, I want the name Shelia Goss to be a household name, just like theirs. I foresee myself still putting out page-turning novels. I also plan on going to a few movie premieres where either my book was adapted to a screenplay or the movie is based on an original screenplay that I’ve written.
princessdominique said... If you had your choice for male lead for the movie version of My Invisible Husband, who would your choice be and why?
Several choices…Will Smith because he’s not only suave, but there’s an innocence about him and he appeals to all types of audiences. Taye Diggs because he’s sexy and I think he also appeals to all types of audiences.
Glenys said... Have the thought ever crossed your mind about having an invisible husband?
No. Life is complicated enough.
Retro Girl said...On the same topic as The Princess posed, who would be your choice for female lead in a movie version and why?
Gabrielle Union or Vivica Fox. They both have enough pizzazz to pull Nikki’s character off.
Ms. Tee said... What would be your own personal hell?
I try not to speak things into existence, so I will not put it out there. I still may not have answered your question, but I try to think positive so it outweighs any negative.
LaShaunda said... Sheila, You’ve had so much success as a self-published authors. Do you have the desire to be published by a mainstream publisher or do you plan to stick with self-publishing?
Another good question. I’m fortunate to have had success as a self published author, but I do have a desire to be with a mainstream publisher. As a self published author, I am the CEO, CFO, etc, so the time I use to take care of business, takes me away from writing. If I was with a mainstream publisher, it would free me up so that I could write more. The skills I learned doing it myself are invaluable and I can utilize those skills whether I continue to self-publish or go mainstream.
1 your rant or rave
The MY INVISIBLE HUSBAND All Star "Wish" Cast will be announced this weekend (in response to two of the questions left on the blog this week).
STAY TUNED.
0 your rant or rave
Ask me anything and I will answer it here on the blog later this week. Promise...you can leave your name or leave one anonymously...I'm not scared (smile).
I look forward to your questions.
10 your rant or rave
Sistahs...
If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Thewritebrother@hotmail.com. Submissions will be posted on the VictorMcGlothin.com web site.
Please note: Victor McGlothin is not a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, or marriage counselor and his responses are meant for entertainment purposes only.
All submissions should be limited to fifty words and have a short title i.e. "Confused in Chicago," "Freaky from Fountainhead," "Tired of the lies," "He might be crazy but I ain't," etc.
Responses to Victor said... may be edited and shortened for the sake of space. Don't forget to check in every Friday to see whatVictor said.. on www.VictorMcGlothin.com
0 your rant or rave
Nikki's My Invisible Husband has nothing on Jennifer Wilbanks - The Runaway Bride
The fiction world that was created around Nicolette Montana pales in comparison to the real life drama Jennifer Wilbanks - The Runaway Bride has imposed on her family and friends.
I would love to find out what's going on in Jennifer's mind. Why did she go to the EXTREME to NOT get married? Why is she even wearing the man's engagement ring now? So many unanswered questions, but we'll all soon know the answers to those two and so much more.
I guess a simple interview could have answered those questions, but as someone mentioned online, everybody wants their fifteen minutes of fame. I ain't mad at her, but I wouldn't recommend anyone else doing something so outrageous.
Leave the Drama to the fiction characters, like Nikki.
Some would say that Nikki's world is unrealistic, but once again, Jennifer Wilbanks proves that someone's fiction, is another person's reality.
Remember the game charades? Nicolette(Nikki) Montana has taken the
game a step further. Get the scoop in My Invisible Husband...before anyone else does.
My Invisible Husband - A Story With a Twist
0 your rant or rave
HOTTEST BACHELORS OF 2005
John Stamos...Jamie Foxx....John Legend...Colin Farrell are just a few of the men who made PEOPLE Magazine's annual Hottest Bachelor issue. Check out the issue this weekend.
I named my four top pics above. I love me some Jamie Foxx...and that's way before the Oscar win. Several years ago, I had hopes of a "Jamie" sighting since his hometown of Terrell wasn't too far from where I was living in the Dallas metropolex. Never happened, so here I am--stuck blogging about it.
I think John Legend is a cutie and not to tell my age, but I've been a John Stamos fan from WAY BACK. Colin Farrell ain't too bad for the eyes either.
2 your rant or rave
Have you found Mr. Right
I recently took this poll to see if the guy I'm dating is Mr. Right. First of all, why am I taking a poll...shouldn't I know if he's Mr. Right or not??? Anyway, that's besides the point. After taking the poll, here are the results:
S, you've found Mr. Right because You Laugh Together
While you've got a great head on your shoulders, you like to lead the way with your heart. And that's what's telling you that this relationship is "the one." It's simple — you know how to make each other laugh. And you both know how to use humor to diffuse heated arguments and tense situations.
You have great confidence and admiration for your guy, even if he's sometimes a little silly. It doesn't matter if your mother-in-law shares your sense of humor or not. You know that she'll learn to love you because the goofy guy you both adore does. That's no joke.
So I guess as long as he keeps me laughing, we're going to make it.
Just in case you're in the mood to take the poll too, here's the link: MR RIGHT POLL
3 your rant or rave
Bridezillas is a show about "brides to be" that are probably nice under normal circumstances, but the stresses of planning a wedding make them out to be not just the equivalent to a female dog, but "Bridezillas."
How can someone take a joyous occasin and turn it into an event from hell? Only Bridezillas can answer that question. The show airs on WE Sunday Nights @ 10 p.m. eastern.
Do you know of someone who got on your last nerve while planning their wedding? Were you a Bridezilla when it came down to your wedding?
6 your rant or rave
There's nothing more satisfying than a good book
and a box of chocolate. Godiva sponsors have donated a pound of chocolate for
My Invisible Husband author Shelia Goss'
June contest.
To enter, send your name and email address to
myinvisiblehusb@aol.com and put CONTEST in the header and you will automatically be entered to win a box of chocolate.
No purchase is necessary to win. All entries must be received by midnight June 30, 2005. Void where prohibited by law.
0 your rant or rave
Victor Said...
Delusion & Decision,
First of all, congratulations on meeting a man who’s really into you without getting into you… into you. You’re already ahead of the curve, hopefully you’ll stay there. You said that this new guy is really nice and has fun when in your presence, is accommodating, would be satisfied with a single family home, a nice car and… you. I’m afraid that your delusion typically happens to men thinking they can always do better. You said, he’s not the type you’re usually attracted to, he’s shorter, less assertive and maybe not that interested in sinking his future on a pipe dream (so he’s more than likely a realist and a good, sound provider). If you asked me, it appears that you’re confronted with a good brotha and are frightened because you’ve never recognized one before. It’s okay, there are others among us.
A few things: Where are all those other jokers who’re no longer a part of your life, what happened to them… Pretty Ricky’nem? Did they stack up to this brotha’s potential where it counts? Were they good men or just looking for good times? Additionally, have you considered what it is that you want and need in a man? Because, it sounds as if you’ve lucked up on something special.
On another note, physical attraction is very important especially in the initial stages of a budding relationship… but believe you me, ain’t nobody at the house ‘that cute’ if the lights get turned off.
Good luck and ride it out a bit longer to see what’s what. If you decide to pass on him, don’t fret. I’ll bet that he won’t be free long. My email will be blowing up over this one. Remember, it’s not settling if he enhances your life, stimulates your love and makes you want to be a better woman… Just a thought.
Sistahs...
If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Thewritebrother@hotmail.com. Submissions will be posted on the VictorMcGlothin.com web site.
Please note: Victor McGlothin is not a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, or marriage counselor and his responses are meant for entertainment purposes only.
All submissions should be limited to fifty words and have a short title i.e. "Confused in Chicago," "Freaky from Fountainhead," "Tired of the lies," "He might be crazy but I ain't," etc.
Responses to Victor said... may be edited and shortened for the sake of space. Don't forget to check in every Friday to see what Victor said... on http://www.victormcglothin.com/
0 your rant or rave
4 your rant or rave
Victor Said...
When is drama worth the hassle,
You’ve brought up some very important issues concerning when or if you should become involved with a brotha, who has gone through difficult times with a female but he still might be wearing too much of its residue on the bottom of his shoes. If you don’t want that mess tracked up in your house, I suggest that you see if he’s willing to get that mess cleaned up before you let him come in. If it’s “baby mama drama,” get together and write a short ‘rules of engagement’ contract whereby he promises to do A,B,C ensuring that you will, in not shape form or fashion, have to deal with having your piece destroyed. If it happens to be “ex-girlfriend drama,” the same applies. Get together and construct a contract for acceptable behavior for the both of you when approached by your respective ex’s.
For instance, you should be afforded the privilege to answer his telephone when you’re at his home and vice-versa, if you’re serious about one another (building trust on a budget). If the problem lies within the ex’s reluctance to let go, get the law involved then see how fast they learn to go on about their business (combating crazy with handcuffs). Freedom from incarceration beats carrying an unrequited torch any day! Love on lockdown ain’t no joke… from what I heard.
Sharing responsibilities and team building is very important from the get go. If he’s not willing to enter into a written contract and stick to it, you’ll have your answer that drama with him isn’t worth the hassle.
Sistahs...
If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Thewritebrother@hotmail.com. Submissions will be posted on the VictorMcGlothin.com web site.
Please note: Victor McGlothin is not a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, or marriage counselor and his responses are meant for entertainment purposes only.
All submissions should be limited to fifty words and have a short title i.e. "Confused in Chicago," "Freaky from Fountainhead," "Tired of the lies," "He might be crazy but I ain't," etc.
Responses to Victor said... may be edited and shortened for the sake of space. Don't forget to check in every Friday to see what Victor said... on http://www.victormcglothin.com/
0 your rant or rave
A Little Humor for the Week
Dear Shelia: You know how you're always getting on me about taking a much stronger interest in your work, well due to my attention span (which is very short) I have decided that if these people were to write a book I could read it. I call this the World's shortest books...Kevin Gill
The World's Shortest Book List
1. "No thanks, I'm full" - By Starr Jones
2. "How I overcame Drug addiction" - By Snoop Doggy Dog
3. "Marriage Counseling does Work" - By O.J. Simpson
4. "The Women I loved" - By Luther Vandross
5. "How to please your Man" - By Dick Chaney's Daughter
6. "My Life as a Vegetarian" - By Mike Tyson
7. "The Fascinating Aspects of Nuclear Physics" by Jessica Simpson
8. "Just say No" - By Lil’ John "Yeaah"
9. "The Best Tanning Salons" - By Wesley Snipes
10. " Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go right now" - The Book on Claritin - By R-Kelly
Author - Kevin Gill
Kevin was wrong for #1 because he knows I love me some Star, but I left it on the list because I'm quoting him (with his permission of course...smile).
Do you have any you could add to the list? I would love to see what you come up with.
0 your rant or rave
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Eight Words with Two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes
(Original author unknown - sent to me by a rare jewel...they know who they are...smile).
Monday, June 27, 2005
YOUR QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED
Thanks to all who submitted questions. You can find my responses below. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.
Anonymous said... Are you anything like your characters?
No. All of my characters are a figment of my vivid imagination.
Peggy said... What single thought or event triggered this book?
I think subconsciously the idea for the book developed from hearing the following question one too many times: “When are you getting married?”
Anonymous said... Where do you see yourself in 5 years? (in detail)
Good question. I thank God that I’ve reached a lot of my goals I set forth for this year already. In 5 years, when a reader thinks of Jackie Collins, Terry McMillian, Danielle Steele, I want the name Shelia Goss to be a household name, just like theirs. I foresee myself still putting out page-turning novels. I also plan on going to a few movie premieres where either my book was adapted to a screenplay or the movie is based on an original screenplay that I’ve written.
princessdominique said... If you had your choice for male lead for the movie version of My Invisible Husband, who would your choice be and why?
Several choices…Will Smith because he’s not only suave, but there’s an innocence about him and he appeals to all types of audiences. Taye Diggs because he’s sexy and I think he also appeals to all types of audiences.
Glenys said... Have the thought ever crossed your mind about having an invisible husband?
No. Life is complicated enough.
Retro Girl said...On the same topic as The Princess posed, who would be your choice for female lead in a movie version and why?
Gabrielle Union or Vivica Fox. They both have enough pizzazz to pull Nikki’s character off.
Ms. Tee said... What would be your own personal hell?
I try not to speak things into existence, so I will not put it out there. I still may not have answered your question, but I try to think positive so it outweighs any negative.
LaShaunda said... Sheila, You’ve had so much success as a self-published authors. Do you have the desire to be published by a mainstream publisher or do you plan to stick with self-publishing?
Another good question. I’m fortunate to have had success as a self published author, but I do have a desire to be with a mainstream publisher. As a self published author, I am the CEO, CFO, etc, so the time I use to take care of business, takes me away from writing. If I was with a mainstream publisher, it would free me up so that I could write more. The skills I learned doing it myself are invaluable and I can utilize those skills whether I continue to self-publish or go mainstream.
Friday, June 24, 2005
The MY INVISIBLE HUSBAND All Star "Wish" Cast will be announced this weekend (in response to two of the questions left on the blog this week).
STAY TUNED.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Ask me anything and I will answer it here on the blog later this week. Promise...you can leave your name or leave one anonymously...I'm not scared (smile).
I look forward to your questions.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
"Duhhh!”
Here's the Victor Said weekly post by Essense Best Selling Author Victor McGlothin.
June 17, 2005
Hello Victor,
I met a guy from a reggae band and he took my phone number. He said that he would call me, inform me of the next place they would be performing and have me as his special guest. Well, he didn’t call and the band played the very next day in a club just two hours away from where they played before, which I noticed on a tour schedule given out to everyone who attends their concerts. Anyway, my question is… will look like a desperate groupie if I go to one of their future concerts and try to talk to him?
Signed,
I’m with the band
Victor Said...
In a word, "Duhhh!”
I’m with the band, this is a very interesting submission because I think you already know the answer. I’m imagining the band on stage and stars in your eyes, until the band unplugged their equipment and climbed into their tour bus. Then, you fell fast asleep with dust in your eyes instead. I’m afraid this story will not have a fairytale ‘Made for TV Movie’ ending.
Chances are, the musician has boogied on down the road with sistahs from the next stop on his mind, he was simply doing the ‘tell the fan what she wants to hear thing’ or he just wasn’t that into you. Which ever the case may have been, consider yourself fortunate that he’s not sharing tawdry ‘back of the bus booty tales’ about you with the other band members. Is he? Otherwise, he left you in the best possible shape imaginable, without his bacteria or his baby to remember him by. Rejoice and let it go. The alternative is not so pretty. You could chase him down and make your presence felt but begging is so unbecoming. It’s better to be thought a groupie than to drive two hours for his next gig, get naked afterwards and prove it.
Hello Victor,
I met a guy from a reggae band and he took my phone number. He said that he would call me, inform me of the next place they would be performing and have me as his special guest. Well, he didn’t call and the band played the very next day in a club just two hours away from where they played before, which I noticed on a tour schedule given out to everyone who attends their concerts. Anyway, my question is… will look like a desperate groupie if I go to one of their future concerts and try to talk to him?
Signed,
I’m with the band
Victor Said...
In a word, "Duhhh!”
I’m with the band, this is a very interesting submission because I think you already know the answer. I’m imagining the band on stage and stars in your eyes, until the band unplugged their equipment and climbed into their tour bus. Then, you fell fast asleep with dust in your eyes instead. I’m afraid this story will not have a fairytale ‘Made for TV Movie’ ending.
Chances are, the musician has boogied on down the road with sistahs from the next stop on his mind, he was simply doing the ‘tell the fan what she wants to hear thing’ or he just wasn’t that into you. Which ever the case may have been, consider yourself fortunate that he’s not sharing tawdry ‘back of the bus booty tales’ about you with the other band members. Is he? Otherwise, he left you in the best possible shape imaginable, without his bacteria or his baby to remember him by. Rejoice and let it go. The alternative is not so pretty. You could chase him down and make your presence felt but begging is so unbecoming. It’s better to be thought a groupie than to drive two hours for his next gig, get naked afterwards and prove it.
Sistahs...
If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Thewritebrother@hotmail.com. Submissions will be posted on the VictorMcGlothin.com web site.
Please note: Victor McGlothin is not a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, or marriage counselor and his responses are meant for entertainment purposes only.
All submissions should be limited to fifty words and have a short title i.e. "Confused in Chicago," "Freaky from Fountainhead," "Tired of the lies," "He might be crazy but I ain't," etc.
Responses to Victor said... may be edited and shortened for the sake of space. Don't forget to check in every Friday to see whatVictor said.. on www.VictorMcGlothin.com
Friday, June 17, 2005
HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO TO PLEASE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS?
NICOLETTE MONTANA FAKED A LAS VEGAS WEDDING
The fiction world that was created around Nicolette Montana pales in comparison to the real life drama Jennifer Wilbanks - The Runaway Bride has imposed on her family and friends.
I would love to find out what's going on in Jennifer's mind. Why did she go to the EXTREME to NOT get married? Why is she even wearing the man's engagement ring now? So many unanswered questions, but we'll all soon know the answers to those two and so much more.
I guess a simple interview could have answered those questions, but as someone mentioned online, everybody wants their fifteen minutes of fame. I ain't mad at her, but I wouldn't recommend anyone else doing something so outrageous.
Leave the Drama to the fiction characters, like Nikki.
Some would say that Nikki's world is unrealistic, but once again, Jennifer Wilbanks proves that someone's fiction, is another person's reality.
Remember the game charades? Nicolette(Nikki) Montana has taken the
game a step further. Get the scoop in My Invisible Husband...before anyone else does.
My Invisible Husband - A Story With a Twist
Thursday, June 16, 2005
John Stamos...Jamie Foxx....John Legend...Colin Farrell are just a few of the men who made PEOPLE Magazine's annual Hottest Bachelor issue. Check out the issue this weekend.
I named my four top pics above. I love me some Jamie Foxx...and that's way before the Oscar win. Several years ago, I had hopes of a "Jamie" sighting since his hometown of Terrell wasn't too far from where I was living in the Dallas metropolex. Never happened, so here I am--stuck blogging about it.
I think John Legend is a cutie and not to tell my age, but I've been a John Stamos fan from WAY BACK. Colin Farrell ain't too bad for the eyes either.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I recently took this poll to see if the guy I'm dating is Mr. Right. First of all, why am I taking a poll...shouldn't I know if he's Mr. Right or not??? Anyway, that's besides the point. After taking the poll, here are the results:
S, you've found Mr. Right because You Laugh Together
While you've got a great head on your shoulders, you like to lead the way with your heart. And that's what's telling you that this relationship is "the one." It's simple — you know how to make each other laugh. And you both know how to use humor to diffuse heated arguments and tense situations.
You have great confidence and admiration for your guy, even if he's sometimes a little silly. It doesn't matter if your mother-in-law shares your sense of humor or not. You know that she'll learn to love you because the goofy guy you both adore does. That's no joke.
So I guess as long as he keeps me laughing, we're going to make it.
Just in case you're in the mood to take the poll too, here's the link: MR RIGHT POLL
Monday, June 13, 2005
Bridezillas is a show about "brides to be" that are probably nice under normal circumstances, but the stresses of planning a wedding make them out to be not just the equivalent to a female dog, but "Bridezillas."
How can someone take a joyous occasin and turn it into an event from hell? Only Bridezillas can answer that question. The show airs on WE Sunday Nights @ 10 p.m. eastern.
Do you know of someone who got on your last nerve while planning their wedding? Were you a Bridezilla when it came down to your wedding?
Sunday, June 12, 2005
There's nothing more satisfying than a good book
and a box of chocolate. Godiva sponsors have donated a pound of chocolate for
My Invisible Husband author Shelia Goss'
June contest.
To enter, send your name and email address to
myinvisiblehusb@aol.com and put CONTEST in the header and you will automatically be entered to win a box of chocolate.
No purchase is necessary to win. All entries must be received by midnight June 30, 2005. Void where prohibited by law.
To be informed of future contests, please join my
mailing list by sending an email to:
sheliagossnewsletter-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Would you date a nice guy?
Hello,
I am a 34 year old sistah w/ one son. Recently I met a guy and we have been dating for maybe 3 months. He is a really nice guy and we have fun at times, yet he isn't the type I usually date. They are usually a little taller and more assertive. (He is 5'9 1/2 and somewhat accommodating most likely because he likes me a lot.) My problem is I'm not sure; I'm not feeling a strong love or sexual connection like I usually do. We haven't slept together but I keep thinking is there more out there. (I don't really talk to more than one man at a time) I desire a man with a little more drive and common goals. He told me he would be satisfied with a single family home and a nice car. That's all good but I like a little bit more success maybe our own business; the sky's the limit. I'm the type of female who always has her man's back and would support a brotha’s ideas as long as he does the same. I'm afraid I would get in a relationship, become complacent and settle. Is it wrong for me to continue dating him or do you think something may blossom and I should just wait and enjoy my time with him?
Signed,
I am a 34 year old sistah w/ one son. Recently I met a guy and we have been dating for maybe 3 months. He is a really nice guy and we have fun at times, yet he isn't the type I usually date. They are usually a little taller and more assertive. (He is 5'9 1/2 and somewhat accommodating most likely because he likes me a lot.) My problem is I'm not sure; I'm not feeling a strong love or sexual connection like I usually do. We haven't slept together but I keep thinking is there more out there. (I don't really talk to more than one man at a time) I desire a man with a little more drive and common goals. He told me he would be satisfied with a single family home and a nice car. That's all good but I like a little bit more success maybe our own business; the sky's the limit. I'm the type of female who always has her man's back and would support a brotha’s ideas as long as he does the same. I'm afraid I would get in a relationship, become complacent and settle. Is it wrong for me to continue dating him or do you think something may blossom and I should just wait and enjoy my time with him?
Signed,
Delusion & Decision
Victor Said...
Delusion & Decision,
First of all, congratulations on meeting a man who’s really into you without getting into you… into you. You’re already ahead of the curve, hopefully you’ll stay there. You said that this new guy is really nice and has fun when in your presence, is accommodating, would be satisfied with a single family home, a nice car and… you. I’m afraid that your delusion typically happens to men thinking they can always do better. You said, he’s not the type you’re usually attracted to, he’s shorter, less assertive and maybe not that interested in sinking his future on a pipe dream (so he’s more than likely a realist and a good, sound provider). If you asked me, it appears that you’re confronted with a good brotha and are frightened because you’ve never recognized one before. It’s okay, there are others among us.
A few things: Where are all those other jokers who’re no longer a part of your life, what happened to them… Pretty Ricky’nem? Did they stack up to this brotha’s potential where it counts? Were they good men or just looking for good times? Additionally, have you considered what it is that you want and need in a man? Because, it sounds as if you’ve lucked up on something special.
On another note, physical attraction is very important especially in the initial stages of a budding relationship… but believe you me, ain’t nobody at the house ‘that cute’ if the lights get turned off.
Good luck and ride it out a bit longer to see what’s what. If you decide to pass on him, don’t fret. I’ll bet that he won’t be free long. My email will be blowing up over this one. Remember, it’s not settling if he enhances your life, stimulates your love and makes you want to be a better woman… Just a thought.
Sistahs...
If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Thewritebrother@hotmail.com. Submissions will be posted on the VictorMcGlothin.com web site.
Please note: Victor McGlothin is not a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, or marriage counselor and his responses are meant for entertainment purposes only.
All submissions should be limited to fifty words and have a short title i.e. "Confused in Chicago," "Freaky from Fountainhead," "Tired of the lies," "He might be crazy but I ain't," etc.
Responses to Victor said... may be edited and shortened for the sake of space. Don't forget to check in every Friday to see what Victor said... on http://www.victormcglothin.com/
Essense Best Selling Author Victor McGlothin keeps dishing out good advice. Be sure to visit his website.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
FIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS TO AVOID
By Shelia M Goss
A realization hit me recently. My natural instinct has been to play the role of rescuer and it must stop--immediately. It made me think of other things that either I or my friends have done that could have saved us a lot of time and energy and most importantly heartbreak.
Here's a list of 5 types of personality traits that you should avoid: If you see yourself as one of these, it's time to reevaluate.
The Rescuer - Do you find yourself trying to rescue a man from this or that and most of the time himself? Enough already.
The Nurturer - Are you his mama? No, so why play the dual role of lover/mama...sounds perverted doesn't it...so stop.
The Warden - Okay, now don't get mad, but having your man on a strict schedule sounds like there are trust issues. If you have to monitor his every move, then maybe he's not the man for you.
The Dog Catcher - Bow wow...need I say more...you know he's a dog, he was dating three other women when you met him, but you still allow him into your heart.
The Landlord - Time is precious. Have fun, but be wise. Why let someone rent space in your heart when you know they are not the one.
I'm sure there are other personality types I could touch on, but these five are the ones that come to mind as I reflect on my love life and those around me.
By Shelia M Goss
A realization hit me recently. My natural instinct has been to play the role of rescuer and it must stop--immediately. It made me think of other things that either I or my friends have done that could have saved us a lot of time and energy and most importantly heartbreak.
Here's a list of 5 types of personality traits that you should avoid: If you see yourself as one of these, it's time to reevaluate.
The Rescuer - Do you find yourself trying to rescue a man from this or that and most of the time himself? Enough already.
The Nurturer - Are you his mama? No, so why play the dual role of lover/mama...sounds perverted doesn't it...so stop.
The Warden - Okay, now don't get mad, but having your man on a strict schedule sounds like there are trust issues. If you have to monitor his every move, then maybe he's not the man for you.
The Dog Catcher - Bow wow...need I say more...you know he's a dog, he was dating three other women when you met him, but you still allow him into your heart.
The Landlord - Time is precious. Have fun, but be wise. Why let someone rent space in your heart when you know they are not the one.
I'm sure there are other personality types I could touch on, but these five are the ones that come to mind as I reflect on my love life and those around me.
Monday, June 06, 2005
When is drama worth the hassle?
Victor,
When getting into a new relationship, how much drama is too much drama? Recently, I started going out with a man who has a 3 year old child, so of course, there is "baby mama drama." Another guy I have started talking to has "ex-girlfriend drama." My question is how do you weed through the garbage and figure out if the relationship is worth pursuing? I know that a person's past is always subject to scrutiny because I have been dating men, who have been approached by my ex's but where do you draw the line? If a person is really through with the ex, when do you know?
Signed,
When getting into a new relationship, how much drama is too much drama? Recently, I started going out with a man who has a 3 year old child, so of course, there is "baby mama drama." Another guy I have started talking to has "ex-girlfriend drama." My question is how do you weed through the garbage and figure out if the relationship is worth pursuing? I know that a person's past is always subject to scrutiny because I have been dating men, who have been approached by my ex's but where do you draw the line? If a person is really through with the ex, when do you know?
Signed,
When is drama worth the hassle?
Victor Said...
When is drama worth the hassle,
You’ve brought up some very important issues concerning when or if you should become involved with a brotha, who has gone through difficult times with a female but he still might be wearing too much of its residue on the bottom of his shoes. If you don’t want that mess tracked up in your house, I suggest that you see if he’s willing to get that mess cleaned up before you let him come in. If it’s “baby mama drama,” get together and write a short ‘rules of engagement’ contract whereby he promises to do A,B,C ensuring that you will, in not shape form or fashion, have to deal with having your piece destroyed. If it happens to be “ex-girlfriend drama,” the same applies. Get together and construct a contract for acceptable behavior for the both of you when approached by your respective ex’s.
For instance, you should be afforded the privilege to answer his telephone when you’re at his home and vice-versa, if you’re serious about one another (building trust on a budget). If the problem lies within the ex’s reluctance to let go, get the law involved then see how fast they learn to go on about their business (combating crazy with handcuffs). Freedom from incarceration beats carrying an unrequited torch any day! Love on lockdown ain’t no joke… from what I heard.
Sharing responsibilities and team building is very important from the get go. If he’s not willing to enter into a written contract and stick to it, you’ll have your answer that drama with him isn’t worth the hassle.
Sistahs...
If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Thewritebrother@hotmail.com. Submissions will be posted on the VictorMcGlothin.com web site.
Please note: Victor McGlothin is not a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, or marriage counselor and his responses are meant for entertainment purposes only.
All submissions should be limited to fifty words and have a short title i.e. "Confused in Chicago," "Freaky from Fountainhead," "Tired of the lies," "He might be crazy but I ain't," etc.
Responses to Victor said... may be edited and shortened for the sake of space. Don't forget to check in every Friday to see what Victor said... on http://www.victormcglothin.com/
Essense Best Selling Author Victor McGlothin keeps dishing out good advice. Be sure to visit his website.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Dear Shelia: You know how you're always getting on me about taking a much stronger interest in your work, well due to my attention span (which is very short) I have decided that if these people were to write a book I could read it. I call this the World's shortest books...Kevin Gill
1. "No thanks, I'm full" - By Starr Jones
2. "How I overcame Drug addiction" - By Snoop Doggy Dog
3. "Marriage Counseling does Work" - By O.J. Simpson
4. "The Women I loved" - By Luther Vandross
5. "How to please your Man" - By Dick Chaney's Daughter
6. "My Life as a Vegetarian" - By Mike Tyson
7. "The Fascinating Aspects of Nuclear Physics" by Jessica Simpson
8. "Just say No" - By Lil’ John "Yeaah"
9. "The Best Tanning Salons" - By Wesley Snipes
10. " Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go right now" - The Book on Claritin - By R-Kelly
Author - Kevin Gill
Kevin was wrong for #1 because he knows I love me some Star, but I left it on the list because I'm quoting him (with his permission of course...smile).
Do you have any you could add to the list? I would love to see what you come up with.
