I am a 34 year old sistah w/ one son. Recently I met a guy and we have been dating for maybe 3 months. He is a really nice guy and we have fun at times, yet he isn't the type I usually date. They are usually a little taller and more assertive. (He is 5'9 1/2 and somewhat accommodating most likely because he likes me a lot.) My problem is I'm not sure; I'm not feeling a strong love or sexual connection like I usually do. We haven't slept together but I keep thinking is there more out there. (I don't really talk to more than one man at a time) I desire a man with a little more drive and common goals. He told me he would be satisfied with a single family home and a nice car. That's all good but I like a little bit more success maybe our own business; the sky's the limit. I'm the type of female who always has her man's back and would support a brotha’s ideas as long as he does the same. I'm afraid I would get in a relationship, become complacent and settle. Is it wrong for me to continue dating him or do you think something may blossom and I should just wait and enjoy my time with him?
Delusion & Decision,
First of all, congratulations on meeting a man who’s really into you without getting into you… into you. You’re already ahead of the curve, hopefully you’ll stay there. You said that this new guy is really nice and has fun when in your presence, is accommodating, would be satisfied with a single family home, a nice car and… you. I’m afraid that your delusion typically happens to men thinking they can always do better. You said, he’s not the type you’re usually attracted to, he’s shorter, less assertive and maybe not that interested in sinking his future on a pipe dream (so he’s more than likely a realist and a good, sound provider). If you asked me, it appears that you’re confronted with a good brotha and are frightened because you’ve never recognized one before. It’s okay, there are others among us.
A few things: Where are all those other jokers who’re no longer a part of your life, what happened to them… Pretty Ricky’nem? Did they stack up to this brotha’s potential where it counts? Were they good men or just looking for good times? Additionally, have you considered what it is that you want and need in a man? Because, it sounds as if you’ve lucked up on something special.
On another note, physical attraction is very important especially in the initial stages of a budding relationship… but believe you me, ain’t nobody at the house ‘that cute’ if the lights get turned off.
Good luck and ride it out a bit longer to see what’s what. If you decide to pass on him, don’t fret. I’ll bet that he won’t be free long. My email will be blowing up over this one. Remember, it’s not settling if he enhances your life, stimulates your love and makes you want to be a better woman… Just a thought.
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