My Invisible Husband

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My Invisible Husband

Monday, May 23, 2005

I'm a 35 year old woman with a lot to offer a man...

Victor Said...hmm...what did he have to say this week?
Essense Best Selling Author Victor McGlothin keeps dishing out good advice. Be sure to visit his website. Note: I saw Victor this past weekend and he's as frank and honest in person as he is in Victor Said...


I'm a 35 year old woman with a lot to offer a man. My problem is when do I determine who's worthy of receiving me and who's not. I can't help being me because that's all I know how to be. My heart is big and my soul is giving. I've never had a man take advantage of that, but for some reason I can't find a man of my own. I have a terrible pattern of dating the same kind of man (those who are not ready to commit or already committed to someone else). It's funny because the famous words of every man I've ever been involved with is "your every mans dream" "your the perfect woman" or my all time favorite, "any man would be lucky to have a woman like you." Victor, if I'm so perfect then why is it that I can't find a man of my own.
A love of my own

Victor Said...

A love of your own,
This question seems to resurface time and time again. However, I have addressed this in week two. But, what I will do is recap and offer a golden nugget to place underneath your pillow. It’s peculiar how so many sistahs view their single situations and the men who revolve through their love lives. I’ll say this again, if more women addressed marriage and life long ambitions regarding God, family and commitment before getting physically involved, more of them would have a “Mrs.” leading their names and the type of men they wanted standing behind them. Many women consider it a ridiculous plan of action to discuss marriage within the first two dates with a perspective mate. What’s ridiculous is wasting months, if not years, with great expectations of building a love that would last a life-time only to discover that the brotha was merely looking for great sex-pectations. Please don’t be foolish where your heart is concerned. “Ask a brotha,” up front if he is the marrying kind, what type of sistah he’d like to marry, and what events he feels most occur in his life before he’s ready to concentrate on ‘happily ever after, amen’. Once again, if he balks then bolts during the weeding out process, he is a weak one who still has some growing to do and you’ve just saved yourself quite a bit of prime-time (yours) without having to go through the motions dragging some unwilling knuckle-head along who’s only interested in playing house, not building one. Oh, and if you’re concerned about him running scared and into some other woman’s arms when marriage comes up, it’s far better that he rent space in her head than in yours.

And another thing, those flattering lines praising ‘how wonderful a sistah is’ before he dumps her, are nothing but excuses in transition as he moves along because he’s already humped and bumped, got the goods and gone.

If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Submissions will be posted on the web site.

Please note: Victor McGlothin is not a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, or marriage counselor and his responses are meant for entertainment purposes only.

All submissions should be limited to fifty words and have a short title i.e. "Confused in Chicago," "Freaky from Fountainhead," "Tired of the lies," "He might be crazy but I ain't," etc.

Responses to Victor said... may be edited and shortened for the sake of space. Don't forget to check in every Friday to see whatVictor said.. on

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