One of the blog readers suggested a topic for this week, so I'll address it from a single woman's perspective. Feel free to jump right on in. As a single woman and dating, you run into all sorts of men. For the most part, most men who approach are single. But then there are those who forget that they have a significant other.
Let me first define single, because unfortunately there are those that don't know or just don't care. Single is Not Married. If there is a Mrs. Jones or a Mr. Jones in the horizon, you are not single. I will even add that if you are in a committed relationship and you both agreed to not see other people, you are not really in the "single" category either...you're in the "not married" category, but you have someone and you're not really single...so don't approach women or men acting like you're "footloose and fancy free."
If you're unhappy with the one you're with, then move on before trying to get someone else involved in your drama. Life shouldn't be that complicated.
I was watching this Lifetime movie last night. The main character's husband cheated on her. She didn't confront him about it immediately, instead she went out and did the same thing. Does it make it right? No. Two wrongs don't make a right. In this case, her doing the same thing ended up deadly. The man she cheated with became obsessive. Cheating not only destroys the bond between the two people involved, it can destroy families.
It kind of makes you leery on jumping into a relationship. Trust definately has to be there. Makes me wonder what happens in a relationship that's so bad, that it'll cause a man or woman to go outside of it to seek sexual gratification or are they looking for an emotional attachment that's missing from the relationship they are in.
The Nikki questions for the week: "Have you ever gotten involved with someone who lied to you about being married or in a relationship? If so, how did you deal with the situation?"
"If you are the one who cheated, what were some of your reasons?"
The topic this week is carrying over from last week. Just in case you missed it, the question was “Does it make you a gold digger because you like nice things and want to be spoiled by your significant other?” There's nothing wrong with a woman because she wants the royal treatment from the men she dates.
Does it make her less independent? I don’t think so. Independence is a state of being. If you’re independent, you know who you are. You don’t depend on a man or anyone for that matter to take care of your business (personal or otherwise). But it doesn’t mean you don’t want love and affection like the next woman.
Ironically, I had already decided that this week’s topic would emphasize how Nikki from My Invisible Husband was an “Independent Woman,” so when I saw Reinestorm’s post it was right on time. Reinestorm said, “We should be independent enough to do for ourselves, but not so independent that our man can't spoil us if he wants to.”
True statement. However as much as men confess to want an independent woman (men jump in anytime), some can’t deal with our independence. Why? I’ve been accused of being “independent” by several men. One day I asked a guy why he labeled me as such. He pointed out several reasons why: #1 Because I didn’t seem to need anything from anybody – at the time I owned my own house, car, etc. My question to him was—why should I wait on a man to buy a house. He had no response. #2 Because of my attitude. Now you know mentioning a woman and attitude in the same sentence to a woman will bring out an attitude (smile). I caught myself though and listened. He went on to say that I was always nice to him but I had a non-chalant attitude about him and that he had to be the one to initiate the calls, etc. Well, hmm. I said, that I’m from the old school. If a man wants a woman, he should be pursuing her, not me pursuing him. He then went on to point out, that’s why he thinks I have an attitude. He was used to women calling him 24/7 apparently. He made a couple of other points but those are the two that I easily recall.
Can a man not deal with a woman who isn’t clingy (although they complain they hate a clingy woman)? Is it because they are insecure and the fact that if they are with an independent woman they can’t half-step.
I for one still need romance and as I said last week, I like nice things and to quote Shai, I like being “pampered.” Reason being, when I’m in a relationship, my man is pampered. Whatever I give, is what I expect. Being independent doesn’t take away from the relationship. A man should be happy that he has a woman who can think for herself and do for herself.
To quote Destiny’s Child: “All the ladies who truly feel me, Throw your hands up at me.”
The Nikki questions this week: (Women) Do you think you being independent has helped or hurt your relationship with men?
(Men) Do you have a problem dealing with an independent woman? Why or why not?
"Now I ain't saying she a gold digger. . . But she ain't messing with no broke __" are a few of the lyrics to "Gold Digger" a popular song by Kanye West and Jamie Foxx.
I heard the song over the weekend and decided to center this week's post around it. Some may disagree with what I'm about to say, but there's nothing wrong with a woman because she wants the royal treatment from the men she dates. Not only do women in the romance stories that we read and write want a knight in shining armor, most women, if they admit it, do too. And the man doesn't have to be rich to be a woman's knight. The average man can be that and so much more, if he wants to be. Most men spend money on things they care about (i.e., his car, his house, etc). So why shouldn't he spend something on you if he professes to care about you.
A woman shouldn't be labeled a gold digger just because she wants a man with a job, his own car, his own place and who is not afraid to treat her to a few nice things every now and then. No woman in her right mind sets out to fall in love with a broke man. Of course, it happens, and love is what it is--you deal with it and hopefully build a loving relationship regardless of how deep his pockets are.
Believe it or not, even after this post, I'm not a gold digger. I just want a man who has more than a penny to his name and if he only has a penny, he cares enough to spend some of that penny on me.
The Nikki questions this week: Does it make you a gold digger because you like nice things and want to be spoiled by your significant other? and/or Have you ever been labeled a gold digger and was it warranted?
I'm back from a week hiatus. Thank you for being patient and still taking time out to leave your comments. Before I get into what I want to talk about this week, I wanted to say that I'm thrilled that I received an honor as 1 of 10 Hottest Bloggers in the first Annual Princess Dominique Hot Blogger Award.
Okay, back to what I was saying (smile)...Over the weekend, I met a guy who I could tell right from the start was telling lies. I chuckled to myself because he actually thought he was on top of his game. First of all, I've been sick and was in no mood to listen to a bunch of bull, but it didn't stop him from dishing it. I had to just tell him, "Let's get real." By the time, I told him what I thought about the bull he threw my way, he was no longer interested. All he had to say was, "you could have given a brotha a chance."
It was nothing to this guy to lie to me. Sadly, it seems as if some people have no problem telling a lie if they feel like it justifies the end...let me rephrase that--when it fits their own selfish needs.
I'm sure you've heard people use the phrase, "white lie." WTF (to those not used to these initials, you don't want to know what it stands for...smile). A lie is a lie. There's no difference between a lie and what some call a "white lie." If that's the case, I guess we could proceed all kinds of lies with color..."Oh that was only a blue lie, a red lie" etc...sounds crazy doesn't it...so does the term "white lie."
Nikki, told a lie in My Invisible Husband. To her, she felt justified doing so, because she was trying to get nagging folks out of her business. But I'm sure the folks she lied to would think differently.
The "Nikki" questions this week: Is there ever a good time to lie? Would you accept someone telling a lie(s) to you to spare your feelings?