My Invisible Husband

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My Invisible Husband

Monday, March 20, 2006

Will the Independent Women Please Stand Up

The topic this week is carrying over from last week. Just in case you missed it, the question was “Does it make you a gold digger because you like nice things and want to be spoiled by your significant other?” There's nothing wrong with a woman because she wants the royal treatment from the men she dates.

Does it make her less independent? I don’t think so. Independence is a state of being. If you’re independent, you know who you are. You don’t depend on a man or anyone for that matter to take care of your business (personal or otherwise). But it doesn’t mean you don’t want love and affection like the next woman.

Ironically, I had already decided that this week’s topic would emphasize how Nikki from My Invisible Husband was an “Independent Woman,” so when I saw Reinestorm’s post it was right on time. Reinestorm said, “We should be independent enough to do for ourselves, but not so independent that our man can't spoil us if he wants to.”

True statement. However as much as men confess to want an independent woman (men jump in anytime), some can’t deal with our independence. Why? I’ve been accused of being “independent” by several men. One day I asked a guy why he labeled me as such. He pointed out several reasons why: #1 Because I didn’t seem to need anything from anybody – at the time I owned my own house, car, etc. My question to him was—why should I wait on a man to buy a house. He had no response. #2 Because of my attitude. Now you know mentioning a woman and attitude in the same sentence to a woman will bring out an attitude (smile). I caught myself though and listened. He went on to say that I was always nice to him but I had a non-chalant attitude about him and that he had to be the one to initiate the calls, etc. Well, hmm. I said, that I’m from the old school. If a man wants a woman, he should be pursuing her, not me pursuing him. He then went on to point out, that’s why he thinks I have an attitude. He was used to women calling him 24/7 apparently. He made a couple of other points but those are the two that I easily recall.

Can a man not deal with a woman who isn’t clingy (although they complain they hate a clingy woman)? Is it because they are insecure and the fact that if they are with an independent woman they can’t half-step.

I for one still need romance and as I said last week, I like nice things and to quote Shai, I like being “pampered.” Reason being, when I’m in a relationship, my man is pampered. Whatever I give, is what I expect. Being independent doesn’t take away from the relationship. A man should be happy that he has a woman who can think for herself and do for herself.

To quote Destiny’s Child: “All the ladies who truly feel me, Throw your hands up at me.”

The Nikki questions this week: (Women) Do you think you being independent has helped or hurt your relationship with men?

(Men) Do you have a problem dealing with an independent woman? Why or why not?

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