My Invisible Husband

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My Invisible Husband

Monday, April 24, 2006

Should an Ex Remain an Ex?


Have you ever broken up with a guy and then days, weeks, or months later gotten back together? Did anything change that second time around? As I look back on the times that I went back to an ex, I realize now that in most cases, it was a huge mistake. After awhile, one or both of us was back to doing whatever it was that caused us to break up in the first place.

There was a time I was "so in love" with this particular guy that we had this on again/off again relationship for a few years. The last and final time we broke up, I FINALLY realized that he was like a bad habit--hard to get rid of. To break that unhealthy cycle, I couldn't put the blame on him, but did some self-reflection. I had to love me more and realize that it was unhealthy to be in a "yo-yo" type relationship. It wasn't easy at first, but one day became a week and the next thing you know--it's years later.

I don't regret the decision I made to end things with him that final time because once I let go and didn't allow him back into my life, my life was so much better. He had not months, but several years to show me that he was the man for me. Although he supposedly was hurting when I made that decision to end it, he no longer tried to convince me othewise.

I've been in other relationships since then and there were times I was tempted to GO BACK with an EX, but I didn't. One lesson I learned is that AN EX IS AN EX FOR A REASON and should remain an EX.

I know it's easier in this day and age to deal with someone you have history with than meeting someone new. With someone new, you don't know what you're going to get. But then on the other hand, with an EX, you do know what you're getting and remember there's a reason why they are an EX. So is it really worth your peace of mind, just to say that you're in a relationship? If I were to answer for myself, I would say "NO." Being free of an EX is freeing you up to learn more about yourself--taking time to love yourself more--and possibly opening the door for love from the person that God has for you.

The Nikki questions of the week: Have you ever gone back with an ex? Did things change the second time around for better or worse? If you had to do it all over again, would you have not gone back?

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