My Invisible Husband

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My Invisible Husband

Monday, April 03, 2006

Bitter - I Don't Think So

This week's topic comes from a regular visitor of the blog. She'll remain anonymous, unless she decides to reveal herself.

Why is it people will blast a woman who is obviously hurting and say: "That's why you don't have a man." It's as if they think saying those words will make them feel less worthy without a man. In my opinion how is that helping the matter by slinging such hurtful words at an obviously hurting person. Funny how hard we are on women. Yet, you hardly ever hear: "That's why you don't have a woman," and have it sting for a man.

Sometimes single women are made to feel bad and like it's the end of the world unless they have a man in their lives. If it was that easy, I would assume most women who want to be in a loving healthy relationship would be in one. But news flash--it's not that easy.

I got put on blast about a month or so ago from an elder and although I played it off, I did feel a little embarassed that they were talking about--"We're going to find her husband" in front of a lot of people.

Out of respect for my elder, I just gave a fake smile and saved what I had to say to my cousins later.

People assume one thing without really knowing your history. If it was up to me, I would have met my "Mr. Right for Me" a long time ago and we would be living in our nice home with the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids and a dog. But as of right now, God has other plans for me.

Fortunately, I've gotten beyond what other folks have to say about my singlehood. But I do also admit that sometimes those comments can hurt. It will make a woman start reflecting on themselves--asking questions like--what's wrong with me? Why don't I have somebody? and the list can go on.

Feeling like that and talking to other women that are also single led me to write My Invisible Husband. Because sometimes people feel telling a lie is better than folks knowing the truth. But I'm here to tell you to stand by the truth at all times--what God has for you will be for you. Everyone is not meant to be in a relationship, nor is every woman meant to have children. So don't allow those things to affect how you feel about yourself.

When we've experienced bad relationships and talk about those, with hopes of not repeating the same cycle, then some folks (especially men) want to say that we're bitter. At this junction in a woman's life, she should know what she will or will not put up with in any current or future relationship.

Just for the few men that read the blog, I am not male bashing. Only stating things from a woman's point of view. Hearing from you guys is important because we need to have open dialogue. Encourage open dialogue among your peers with women and then maybe men won't feel that women are male bashing when we discuss you guys.

The Nikki question of the week: Why are women called "BITTER" if they express how they feel about relationships? Men rarely are called bitter.

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