By Guest Blogger Jewel Diamond Taylor
The 5 Stages of Grief were defined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying."
The 5 Stages define the process a bereaved person must go through in order to resolve their grief. Grief is a complicated, multi-dimensional and an individual process that can never be "one size fits all." The five stages are:
1. Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
2. Anger (why is this happening to me?)
3. Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
4. Depression (I don't care anymore)
5. Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
When divorce or a breakup happens, it is still a loss even though someone didn't die. You will still go through a grief process to heal. In my "How to Love with a Smart Heart" relationships seminars and my grief seminars "New Chapers" I share the following 5 stages of grief women and men go through when a breakup or divorce happens:
1. Denial - Oh, he/she will call --- he/she is just busy---we've been together so long --- it can't be over --- I don't "see" any red flags.
2. Anger - how dare he/she do this to me! - -- after all I've given and sacrificed. Who does he think he is? I feel like a fool! I want revenge. I want him/her to hurt like I hurt.
3. Bargaining - Can't we at least be friends? --- ok I'll do whatever you want.
4. Depression - I can't breathe - I can't get up - I'm staring at the phone, I can't eat - I can't think - what did I do wrong? - what's wrong with me?
5. Acceptance - My faith, self- esteem and courage are restored. Sometimes you love and sometimes you learn. Even though it hurts so bad, I must remember that everyone hurts in some way. I don't have to live like a victim. My emotional maturity happens when I learn to live with some unanswered questions. It is -- what it is - -- and I'm ready to get back into life. I will not let these negative fears and emotions ruin and control my life. I still may have some hard days ahead but I will rise above this. I can't control what others do or feel but I can control how I respond to this closing chapter in my life story. I'm taking my power and self- respect back. Better days are ahead. Peace and joy are important for my healing. I deserve more and I'm ready to let the light back into my life. I am a beautiful, whole, divine and precious child of God. I'm a good person and I won't let this experience hurt me anymore because I see now --- that what I thought was rejection --- is really God's protection --- leading me in a new direction. Hallelujah!!!!!
"It don't hurt anymore. All my teardrops are dried. No more walkin' the floor with that burnin' inside -- just to think it could be. Time has opened the door and at last I am free. I don't hurt anymore. No use to deny I wanted to die the day you said we were through. But now that I find you're out of my mind, I can't believe that it's true. I've forgotten somehow that I cared so before and it's wonderful now I don't hurt anymore" - song "I don't hurt anymore" by Martina McBride
Read more about healing the "Relationship Blues"
http://www.jeweldiamondtaylor.com/relationshipblues2.htm
Jewel Diamond Taylor, Motivational Speaker and Author Speaker, Conference, Workplace Training, Retreat, Church, Campus 323.964.1736 4195 Chino Hills Pkwy Chino Hills CA 91709 e-mail - JewelMotivates@aol.com http:www.DoNotGiveUp.net http://www.womenonthegrow.com/
