My Invisible Husband

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My Invisible Husband

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Grief and Loss Healing after a Breakup or Divorce
By Guest Blogger Jewel Diamond Taylor

The 5 Stages of Grief were defined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying."
The 5 Stages define the process a bereaved person must go through in order to resolve their grief. Grief is a complicated, multi-dimensional and an individual process that can never be "one size fits all." The five stages are:

1. Denial (this isn't happening to me!)

2. Anger (why is this happening to me?)

3. Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

4. Depression (I don't care anymore)

5. Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

When divorce or a breakup happens, it is still a loss even though someone didn't die. You will still go through a grief process to heal. In my "How to Love with a Smart Heart" relationships seminars and my grief seminars "New Chapers" I share the following 5 stages of grief women and men go through when a breakup or divorce happens:

1. Denial - Oh, he/she will call --- he/she is just busy---we've been together so long --- it can't be over --- I don't "see" any red flags.

2. Anger - how dare he/she do this to me! - -- after all I've given and sacrificed. Who does he think he is? I feel like a fool! I want revenge. I want him/her to hurt like I hurt.

3. Bargaining - Can't we at least be friends? --- ok I'll do whatever you want.

4. Depression - I can't breathe - I can't get up - I'm staring at the phone, I can't eat - I can't think - what did I do wrong? - what's wrong with me?

5. Acceptance - My faith, self- esteem and courage are restored. Sometimes you love and sometimes you learn. Even though it hurts so bad, I must remember that everyone hurts in some way. I don't have to live like a victim. My emotional maturity happens when I learn to live with some unanswered questions. It is -- what it is - -- and I'm ready to get back into life. I will not let these negative fears and emotions ruin and control my life. I still may have some hard days ahead but I will rise above this. I can't control what others do or feel but I can control how I respond to this closing chapter in my life story. I'm taking my power and self- respect back. Better days are ahead. Peace and joy are important for my healing. I deserve more and I'm ready to let the light back into my life. I am a beautiful, whole, divine and precious child of God. I'm a good person and I won't let this experience hurt me anymore because I see now --- that what I thought was rejection --- is really God's protection --- leading me in a new direction. Hallelujah!!!!!

"It don't hurt anymore. All my teardrops are dried. No more walkin' the floor with that burnin' inside -- just to think it could be. Time has opened the door and at last I am free. I don't hurt anymore. No use to deny I wanted to die the day you said we were through. But now that I find you're out of my mind, I can't believe that it's true. I've forgotten somehow that I cared so before and it's wonderful now I don't hurt anymore" - song "I don't hurt anymore" by Martina McBride

Read more about healing the "Relationship Blues"

Jewel Diamond Taylor, Motivational Speaker and Author Speaker, Conference, Workplace Training, Retreat, Church, Campus 323.964.1736 4195 Chino Hills Pkwy Chino Hills CA 91709 e-mail -

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