Friday, April 29, 2005
I was married for 8 years. I am now divorced, bought my own home and was moving on. After some months, I started dating my X for 5 years+ and have tried to cut it off again. I don't have the same feelings for him. I want us to just be friends, but he is persistent. I want to date, but I'm afraid of the unknown. What am I to do?
Don’t be Scurd. Moving on from a marriage after it has faltered beyond repair is always difficult but there is something to be said for being brave enough to leave instead of wasting years wishing you had. If you are serious about placing a ‘just friends’ tag on your ex-husband, don’t send any mixed messages to keep him thinking there might be a chance of getting back together (stop sleeping with him), don’t be a shoulder to cry on when his joys turn to pain (stop sleeping with him), and don’t engage in married folks business… Stop sleeping with him!
From a clinical stand point, it takes 28 days to break a habit so use it to get him out of your system and out of your bed. I suggest you tell him that you’ll be unavailable for conversation, visits or contact over the next month. Mark your calendar and count your blessings because the only thing to fear is fear itself. You’ve made a decision to hit the ground running. Looking back all but guarantees you’ll stumble and fall over the same rough terrain you petitioned the state to divorce.
If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Thewritebrother@hotmail.com. Submissions will be posted on the VictorMcGlothin.com web site.
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