My Invisible Husband

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My Invisible Husband

Friday, April 22, 2005

As a woman, I love hearing a male's point of view on affairs of the heart. Today's post is by Essense Best Selling Author Victor McGlothin.

Friday, April 22, 2005


I’ve been keeping up with your column and I find my self laughing at some of the submissions but always waiting for Friday to see what Victor said next. Now, I’m giving everyone a fair chance to laugh at me although I don’t think many will. I’m single, attractive, fit, educated and alone. I’m alone because of trifling men but I’d rather be married if you know what I mean. What I want you to tell me (if you can) why a beautiful black woman like myself doesn’t have a line of brothers fighting for the honor?

What are black men scared of?

Victor Said...

My suggestion to every single sistah is to revisit those old-school values that made our communities so strong. Some of you may be too young to remember the standard dating protocol which brought our parents together so I’ll hip you to it. Once upon a time, a man had to speak to a woman’s parents before getting her alone where she could be swayed, corrupted, and turned out. Parents interviewed her dates and asked who his people were (very important for lunacy sake) and what were his intentions regarding their daughter!

If a brotha started stuttering and sweating, they knew right then he was lying or was going to bolt soon after getting what he wanted. Since times have changed, so to should the protocol… although slightly. Women who want to be married but do not have a line of men fighting over the honor to do so should do this:

Get out a piece of paper and list the Things you want from a relationship, the kinds of attributes your man must have, things you are willing to put up with in a relationship, and the things you won’t allow. And, until you get married, keep that list by your side, ask every man before the first date ends what his intentions are, his views on marriage, when and what needs to happen before he’s ready (not necessarily with you) and ask if he is gay, bi-sexual, bi-curious or any of the other social terms for homosexual behavior. Note: if you are concerned about scaring brothas off by bringing these things up, don’t be. Most of them already lack the backbone for commitment so you’re just weeding out the weak ones before investing too much time only to realize it months or years later. Be prepared to cut your losses on day one instead of on day one-thousand.

"Wheww... tell a friend."


If you want to understand the complicated black man (like there is any other kind) or advice to help you get what you want from yours, ask Victor by sending an email message to Submissions will be posted on the web site.

Please note: Victor McGlothin is not a licensed psychologist, sex therapist, or marriage counselor and his responses are meant for entertainment purposes only.

All submissions should be limited to fifty words and have a short title i.e. "Confused in Chicago," "Freaky from Fountainhead," "Tired of the lies," "He might be crazy but I ain't," etc.

Responses to Victor said... may be edited and shortened for the sake of space. Don't forget to check in every Friday to see whatVictor said.. on

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