Shaye sent this to me. Enjoy!!!

Marriage in Five Parts

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and
don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night......... whether you're here
or not."

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Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

******************************
Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after
many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to
answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing
what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

******************************
Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in
spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides
that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
'Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."


******************************
Marriage (Part V)

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He
left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke
up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when
he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.
Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created
man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the
masterpiece.

--AUTHOR UNKNOWN